I have this next door neighbor….He is old….and very Asian…
This is not a rant against Asians, but I just had to let you know…He is like Mr. Miyagi…but older…
I’ve been noticing for quite some time this constant “BANG….clank clank………….BBAAANNNGGG….clank clank…” coming from his backyard during the day….
I mean…It is ALL. FREAKING. DAY.
Normally I am in and out of the house so much that it doesn’t bother me…
Today, however, I spent a good part of the day cleaning and such with the windows open…
“BANG….clank clank………….BBAAANNNGGG….clank clank…”
For hours…
So…curiosity got the best of me…….
I walked out of my lovely screened in porch area and approached the old wooden fence that rest between me and this phantom “BANG….clank clank………….BBAAANNNGGG….clank clank…” noise I keep hearing…
The first 10 steps off of my pathway in my backyard can be made by leap frogging from one little concrete circle to the next….this is essential when trying to be curious and SNEAKY at the same time…
So I leap frog…
from little circle to little circle…….UNTIL…I reach the last one…..
I am still like 20 feet from the fence……shit
The noise is still as rhythmic as a techno rave party….
“BANG….clank clank………….BBAAANNNGGG….clank clank………BANG….clank clank………….BBAAANNNGGG….clank clank…”
I must now cross into the part of the yard before the old wooden (falling over) fence…..This is literally a mine field of noise…enough dead leaves to challenge even the sneakiest of sneakers…
I try to time my steps with the “BANGS”….
“BANG…*Step, crunch, step crunch*…”
The rhythm of the once fast paced techno beat now feels like I am listening to DJ Paul Wall’s Chopped and Screwed “Ridin’ Dirty” Remix…
I continue on…
I finally reach the fence and, subsequently, my best viewing point….
This is when I felt like I was in the movie “The Sandlot”……..What mysterious noise/beast/Asian lye waiting on the other side of this weather beaten wooden barrier?
Curiosity is a mudda fudda…
I peak over….just a glimpse is all I need to calm my eager curiosity…
Nope….SRY-BABE….Mr. Asian has strategically placed himself behind the stealthiest of covers……A white bed sheet…
I mean he is like 7 feet away….All I can see is a trash can….
Then, like clock work, it comes again…”BANG!”…..
I see a set of wrinkly hands emerge from the side of the sun beaten bed sheet…
What is that in his hands?…..
Throws it into the trash can….
“Clank clank…”
….really?
He is smashing aluminum cans and throwing them into a trash can full of other previously smashed aluminum cans….
He does this ALL DAY…
Screw it…It satisfies my curiosity and I retreat…(Not a sneaky retreat…It was rather loud and awkward…..It was more like a Retrot…I trotted away…quickly… -1 for horrible joke)
This now beckons the question….
“Why?”
My guess is he sells it…….Let’s investigate….
Google tells me that in the state of Florida you can sell a pound of aluminum cans for roughly $.73…ok…ROUGHLY, How many cans does it take to equal a pound?…About 33-34 crushed cans equal 1 pound….ok…
let’s just pretend he does 30 cans every 5 minutes…thats 360 cans an hour…
Thats almost $8 an hour…let’s say he does it from 10-4 every day…about $50 a day….
$250 a week…$1,000 a month….
From the looks of his house, it’s been paid off (and never landscaped) since the 60’s…
With those numbers (could be more, could be less), I think I have found a new hobby….
ha..
I am not investigating my question of “Where the heck does he get all the cans?”…..BUT….That is a good question…
At least I know what the noise is now….#Win
Ok….thats about all I have to say….That was random…and ridiculous…(Fun Fact: I spell ‘ridiculous’ like this EVERY TIME…”REdiculous”…God bless the little red line that tells me how dumb I am all the time….)
Have a splendid day,
-D-
